Wednesday, March 5, 2014

God sees me and you

Being here is like a undergoing a heart surgery! It felt like God took my heart out, tweaked it and put it back in. I know that He is doing something and I felt it. Something in me has changed and I can't exactly pin point what. And His Words became more and more alive with the help of His Spirit! There was a freedom prayer session last week and basically a Christian counsellor guides us in a spiritual counselling session, asking Jesus to reveal the areas that needed to be dealt with. So, three words were highlighted in my mind which is inadequacy, intimidation and fear. I was feeling a bit silly because I thought I have dealt with them already. But I guess due to unfamiliarity and changes, they resurfaced but on a different level. That night I realised how I was accepting those feelings and had not actually sat down and reflect upon them. At the time I felt like everyone has their own cliques and I'm on my own. Felt a bit alone because of that. And, everyone else are better than me, more fun than me. I have nothing to contribute etc. I tried to show care and love but they were no response. I was affected but I justified them until I pushed them aside ie come on Sharon, you are older and you should know better..all these are such 'high school' problems..kinda silly! During that prayer session, I was guided into tracing the roots of the problems and then renounced the lies. After that, love overwhelmed my heart, felt peace and a renewed strength of loving people again unconditionally. For the whole week I felt different. It is like I'm freed from those feelings, and I could not care less about what other people think about me, in a good way. It is a freedom that I can't explain. God had reminded me again what it means to love unconditionally and without any expectation of people, I'm free to love. And His love enables me to do that, not by my own determination or own motivation. During worship last night, one of my friends came up to me and said that she felt like she just wanted to apologise for not being concern about me. She thought that I'm older and I got it all together. I have put other people's needs before myself and she is grateful for the support and encouragement. Basically, she just wants to ask me how I am. Well, after the left, I lost it, getting all teary. LOL! I don't think she knew what I was struggling with. I was just in awe that God actually sees me, I know it in my head but it sunk deep into my heart at that time, bringing me to a deeper understanding and revelation of His nature. The whole time I was just in awe!I can't believe it, He sees me (thought I knew it in my head). This whole week we are learning about the Holy Spirit and we have a cool speaker called Maria! She will stop in the middle of a lecture if God highlighted a person for her to pray for. This morning, she called my name and I was actually surprised/shocked and she asked if she can pray for me! Yes of course! haha! So she prayed for me in front of my class and gave me words! After receiving it, I told God, seriously? That doesn't sound like me at all, it is actually out of my character! But I felt a bit nervous because whatever she said is way out of my comfort zone. It involves teaching and preaching His Word (a gist of the prophecy) with such boldness that will surprise myself. I hate public speaking and I have always felt like Moses. Then again, I know that if it's something He wants me to do, and if I'm willing, He will show Himself strong in my weakness! Then, I will be deeply humbled because I know it's beyond myself and in my mind, it's impossible but hey, it is Him doing it through me, so it's not about me anyway! The point is, He sees me and He cares! I'm just overwhelmed by how real He is! And He sees you and cares about you too! I cant really fully explained what happened well because some things or feelings are beyond words. For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them. How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! If I would count them, they are more than the sand. I awake, and I am still with you. (Psalm 139:13-18)

No comments:

Post a Comment